Skip to content
YourBlog
Ozge#Screen

The Soviets’ Last Joke: The 1991 “Lord of the Rings” and the Return of a Lost Treasure

If you think Middle-earth’s screen history started with Peter Jackson, buckle up. I’m taking you back to 1991—the chaotic final days of the Soviet Union, right on the edge of collapse.

Russian Lord of the Rings and the Return of a Lost Treasure

In 2025, YouTube’s dusty algorithm dropped something in my lap: Khraniteli (“The Keepers”). A TV adaptation made by Leningrad Television, broadcast once in 1991, then seemingly vanishing into thin air. For decades it lived as a rumor, a piece of “lost media.” Then came the twist: in 2021, Channel 5 (often described as Leningrad TV’s successor) uploaded it to YouTube, and the internet collectively went, No way this is real.

They tried to adapt Tolkien’s massive work for television right before the USSR fell, using the resources they didn’t have.

The result is a full-on hallucination.

Lost-media magic: not a “film,” more like a TV stage play

First, set your expectations correctly. This isn’t a theatrical feature in the modern sense. Think made-for-TV teleplay with that unmistakable videotape vibe, closer to recorded stage drama than cinema. It runs in two parts, about 115 minutes total.

And honestly, that “lost media” aura is half the spell. A one-off broadcast resurfaces three decades later and suddenly you’re watching an alternate 1991 timeline leak onto your screen.

Only The Fellowship of the Ring, and the Soviet Tolkien climate

Let’s clarify the scope. This isn’t a full trilogy. It adapts only the first book, The Fellowship of the Ring.

So why 1991? Why Russia? This didn’t appear out of nowhere as some “Alright kids, today we’re playing Hobbits” joke (even if it sometimes looks like that). Tolkien’s work had built real momentum in late-Soviet cultural circles, and this adaptation is often linked to the era’s Russian-language Tolkien fandom and translation culture.

Quick side note on the translation “flavor”: the Russian tradition around The Lord of the Rings has its own history and debates. Some translations carry a distinctly local tone, and the adaptation’s “strangely familiar” mood can feel tied to that linguistic atmosphere as much as to the visuals.

The Wizard of Oz, or a psychedelic fever dream?

The moment you press play, leave Jackson’s gray, grim, epic Middle-earth at the door. What you get instead feels like The Wizard of Oz collided with Snow White, filtered through children’s theater.

Primitive chroma key. Costumes that look like they were sewn from nylon five minutes before curtain. A narrator hovering over everything like a bedtime story.

But the biggest fuel for the “weird dream” feeling is the music. One of the credited names is Andrei “Dyusha” Romanov, connected with the legendary Soviet/Russian rock scene (including ties to Aquarium). The score leans so hard into that late-Soviet psychedelic vibe that you’ll occasionally feel like you’re not in Mordor, you’re backstage at a rock festival.

The detail that absolves Peter Jackson: Tom Bombadil (and Goldberry)

Now for the juiciest part.

You know the eternal Tolkien-fan complaint: “How could Jackson leave out Tom Bombadil and Goldberry? That’s betrayal!”

Well, this Soviet adaptation does something hilarious. It unintentionally proves why Jackson may have been right.

Because in Khraniteli, Tom Bombadil is in it. Big presence, full vibe, and Goldberry too.

Tom Bombadil and Goldberry in Soviet Lotr 1991  - Khraniteli Television Play Scene

Tom Bombadil 

And what happens? The whole thing instantly becomes a Disney fairy tale.

You’re trying to build tension with the Nazgûl (which is already a challenge in this production), and then suddenly you’re watching a cheerful uncle figure singing and skipping through the woods. Whatever epic weight you were trying to hold onto just evaporates.

Cinema is ruthless like that. In the novel, Bombadil is a wonderful world-building pit stop. On screen, he can slice the main tension in half and yank the tone toward children’s fantasy. Watching the Soviet version makes you understand, viscerally, what kind of tonal landmine Jackson stepped around.

Tom Bombadil and Goldberry in Soviet Lotr 1991   Khraniteli Television Play Scene2

Tom Bombadil and Goldberry in Soviet LOTR 1991 - Khraniteli Television Play Scene

And it’s not only Bombadil. This adaptation also leans into some of the book’s side paths, those detours Jackson trimmed for pacing, so you get a glimpse of what The Fellowship looks like when you let the story wander.

Pre-Jackson fantasy attempts: why it was always cartoons or TV fairy tales

It’s easy to laugh and say, “What were the Soviets thinking?” But to be fair, Tolkien adaptations before the 2000s were often trapped in similar lanes.

Before Jackson, you had Ralph Bakshi’s 1978 animated film (famously incomplete in terms of covering the full story), Rankin/Bass adaptations like The Hobbit (1977) and The Return of the King (1980) leaning into musical TV-animation energy, and BBC-style radio drama traditions that did many things well but still didn’t make high fantasy feel like heavyweight mainstream cinema.

Jackson’s real achievement wasn’t just fidelity, it was tone. He nailed a seriousness that convinced the world fantasy wasn’t automatically “for kids.” Khraniteli, in its own accidental way, shows the opposite lesson: how quickly Middle-earth can slide into fairy-tale TV theater if the tone tilts a few degrees.

Russian Gollum

Russian Gollum

Final word

As cinema, Khraniteli is rough. Calling it a “film” almost feels generous; it’s closer to a television stage production preserved on tape.

But if you love Tolkien, especially if you’ve ever wondered “Okay, but what would Bombadil actually look like on screen?”, this is required viewing. It’s a lost treasure that delivers laughs, shock, and, by the end, a sincere urge to say:

Thank God Peter Jackson made the choices he made.

Quick facts

Title: Khraniteli (“The Keepers”)
Format: Soviet made-for-TV teleplay (videotape aesthetic)
Based on: The Fellowship of the Ring
Length: 2 parts, about 115 minutes
Broadcast: once in 1991, later thought lost
Rediscovery: republished on YouTube in 2021 (Channel 5)
Notable for: Tom Bombadil, Goldberry, and several “book detours”

 
Ozge#Science

Is Our Ideology Hidden in Our Brain’s “Gag Reflex”?

The experiment uses people’s reactions to disgusting images to make predictions about their ideological leanings. Let’s see what kind of results it actually produced.

Political Spectrum and Gag Reflex

We all like to think of ourselves as rational beings. We claim that we read party manifestos before voting, analyze economic data, and engage in deep philosophical reflection about “the survival of the nation” or “freedoms.”

But what if I told you that beneath all this intellectual veneer, some of your political instincts may be shaped in your gut—or rather, in the brain’s most primitive, reflex-driven circuits?

I’m not the one making this up. A research team affiliated with the Virginia Tech Carilion Research Institute reported findings along these lines in a 2014 study published in Current Biology—a paper led by neuroscientist P. Read Montague.

The Experiment: Listening to a Politician, or Looking at Something Repulsive?

The setup was simple. Participants were placed in an fMRI scanner to measure their brain activity. But instead of playing political speeches, the researchers showed them something completely different:

Disgusting images.

A filthy toilet, feces, a plate of food covered in bugs, a rotting piece of flesh…

What Does an F Mri Machine Look Like

 fMRI Scanner

A quick note on what fMRI actually does: fMRI isn’t “mind reading.” It tracks changes in blood flow and oxygenation in the brain. When neurons in a region work harder, that area demands more energy, and the body sends more oxygen-rich blood there; the scanner captures this indirectly via what’s known as the BOLD signal. In other words, the colorful “glows” aren’t thoughts—they’re a proxy for where the brain is working more in that moment.

F Mri Brain Activation Heatmap Showing Bold Signal Changes Across Multiple Regions

fMRI brain activation heatmap showing BOLD signal changes across multiple regions

While participants viewed the images, the researchers recorded activity patterns in regions often associated

 with threat processing (like the amygdala) and visceral/affective processing (including the insula). After the images, participants completed a standard political survey covering issues like gun control, abortion, same-sex marriage, and immigration.

A Striking Prediction

The results were unsettling. The neural response to those “disgust” images carried real predictive power about where a person landed on the liberal–conservative spectrum.

The pattern looked like this:

  • People whose brains showed a stronger “disgust/threat” response tended to score more conservative on the survey.

  • Those who were more indifferent—or had a higher disgust threshold—tended to score more liberal.

And the association wasn’t trivial: the researchers reported that brain responses to disgust stimuli could statistically distinguish liberal–conservative tendencies with strong performance, with some analyses reaching AUC ~0.85 under a specific sub-condition. (Note: In statistics, an AUC of 0.85 indicates an 'excellent' ability for the model to distinguish between the two groups.)

Is Conservatism an “Immune System”?

So how could there be any connection between feces or insects and “state governance”? One answer may lie in evolutionary logic.

Across human history, disgust has been a survival reflex. Feeling revulsion toward rotten meat, feces, or unknown creatures helped our ancestors avoid poisoning and disease. The body had to defend its boundaries.

A conservative mindset may be more likely to translate that same “protection and purity” impulse onto the social plane:

Biologically: “This spoiled food must not enter my body.”
Politically: “This foreign culture/immigrant/idea must not enter my society.”

For conservatives, a “border” may feel like more than a line on a map—it can function as a psychological shield that protects perceived integrity. Liberals, by contrast, may be more open to novelty (or less sensitive to certain threat cues), and therefore approach social change with greater flexibility.

Conclusion: Ideology Has a Body

This experiment left me with an uncomfortable thought: we’re not always the free-willed, purely rational thinkers we imagine ourselves to be. Our political fights, parliamentary debates, or online mob frenzies may sometimes reflect older biological circuits playing out in a modern arena.

Maybe the reason we can’t convince each other isn’t only that our arguments are weak—but that our brains’ thresholds for “threat” and “disgust” can differ in ways that arguments don’t easily reach.

Politics isn’t just a mental chess match; it can be a physical reflex. It may be our hand that stamps the ballot, but behind that decision, threat/disgust thresholds that kick in before arguments (even if not solely decisive) may also play a role. 

**Source:** Ahn et al. (2014), *Current Biology*. DOI: 10.1016/j.cub.2014.09.050

Ozge#History

A Geographic Illusion: Why Is Europe Considered a Separate Continent?

Europe looks like a large peninsula jutting out from Asia, and geology reinforces that intuition by pointing to a single Eurasian landmass. So why do we keep treating Europe as a separate continent? Because the answer isn’t in mountains or seas—it’s in cultural bias, ancient pride, and the brain’s oldest shortcuts for labeling “us” versus “them.”

A Geographic Illusion - Why Is Europe Considered a Separate Continent
 

When you look at a map, Europe appears like a sizable peninsula stretching westward from the massive body of Asia. While geological reality tells us there is a single landmass and tectonic system often summarized as “Eurasia,” why do we still insist—from school textbooks to diplomatic tables—on treating Europe as a separate continent?

The answer isn’t in mountains or seas. The answer lies in the deep layers of cultural prejudice, the reflections of ancient arrogance, and the biological illusions of the human brain.

This isn’t just a map issue; it’s the thousands-of-years-long story of how humans define what is “not us.”

1) Biological Roots: Why Do We Hear Foreigners as “Noisy” and “Savage”?

The history of “othering” begins not with Ancient Greece, as many assume, but with Sumer—where civilization itself begins.

In the earliest written records, the Sumerians’ view of nomadic groups coming from outside Mesopotamia (especially the Martu/Amurru peoples) contains not only hostility, but an anthropological disgust. In Sumerian tablets from the 2000s BCE, the descriptions used for these nomads are striking:

“They know no house or home, they do not bury their dead, they do not eat cooked meat, and… their language is like the barking of a dog, like the bellowing of an animal.”

For a Sumerian scribe, every sound outside his complex, rhythmic language wasn’t “human speech,” but a wild noise from nature. Why?

Modern psychoacoustics and neurology explain this through Cognitive Load: when our brain hears its native language, it runs on “autopilot,” parsing words and filtering out irrelevant frequencies. But when it hears a foreign language it doesn’t know at all, the brain burns huge energy trying to crack that “cipher.”

That triggers three effects:

  • Perceiving it as noise: The brain categorizes sound signals it can’t interpret not as “information,” but as a kind of “threat” or “background noise.”

  • The block-sound effect: In a familiar language, we detect the gaps between words (pauses). In an unfamiliar language, sound can hit the ear as a continuous, coarse, heavy “block.”

  • A virtual decibel increase: Because of intense focus, even if the physical loudness is the same, the brain can perceive foreign speech as louder, more dominant, and more irritating. Remember this the next time you’re on the metro thinking tourists are “talking so loudly.”

So what the Sumerian called “animal bellowing” was, in reality, his brain’s biological strain—trying to silence, label, or compress a signal it couldn’t decode.

Tablet Describing Goddess Inanna's Battle With the Mountain Ebih, Sumerian

"Inscribed with the text of the poem Inanna and Ebih by the priestess Enheduanna, the first author whose name is known. In an era when Western civilization was not even a whisper in history, the first signature on the dusty pages of time was carved not by a male monarch or a warrior, but by a woman. By engraving her name beneath her works, Enheduanna became the first human being to declare an individual identity to the world."

And I want to say this bluntly, because it’s the core of the mechanism:

“Actually, the Sumerians weren’t doing all this through conscious racism; our primitive ancestors evolved exactly this way. This is an inevitable outcome of the tribal survival instinct. When our primitive ancestors saw a different group whose language, culture, appearance—even haircut—fell outside their familiar perception, they coded it directly as a survival threat. Because of this genetic legacy, the brain pairs everything foreign with fear; it perceives it as a threat and, to protect itself, wants to destroy it through hatred. So racism is actually far beyond consciousness: it’s our most primitive defense mechanism shaped by evolution, where the survival instinct turns us into a killer to protect the tribe.”

Even today, in conservative societies, a young person choosing a different haircut can become a problem. Even if the world has been touched by individualization, in the Turkey I live in, this is still the case. If you look different from the norm, it’s absolutely possible to be met with furrowed brows.

So even the “continent” debate, at its deepest layer, leads to this question: How does the brain code the foreign?

2) “Bar-Bar-Bar”: Greek Arrogance and the Division of the World

Centuries after Sumer, the same biological illusion turned into a cultural weapon in Ancient Greece.

When Greeks heard Persians, Egyptians, or Scythians speaking—languages they didn’t understand—they perceived only meaningless syllables: “Bar-bar-bar…”

From this sound imitation came the word barbaros: “one who doesn’t speak Greek, whose speech is unintelligible, whose sound is crude.” For them, the world split in two: “Us” (those who possess Logos/Reason) and “The Others” (those who make noise).

Those who put this mental map onto paper were Anaximander, Hecataeus, and the historian Herodotus. They divided the world (even though it was essentially one landmass) into three artificial continents:

  • Europe: the Greek peninsula and the lands to its north (close to them)

  • Asia: Anatolia, the Persian Empire, and the “others” to the east

  • Libya (Africa): the mysterious lands to the south

This is crucial: before geology, “continent” becomes the stamping of “us/other” onto geography.

Europe Asia and Libya

Europe Libya and Asia

3) From Language to State: The Etymological Journey of a “Noise”

The Greeks’ imitation of “unintelligible sound” stopped being a mere joke in Roman hands—and became a massive legal status.

When Romans transferred the Greek bárbaros into Latin as barbarus, they lifted it from “not knowing the language” into “not belonging to the state.” A barbarian was no longer just someone making noise; a barbarian stood outside Roman law, discipline, and borders (Limes)—and therefore had to be “tamed.”

The spread of this concept was like a global software update: Rome exported this “othering” terminology through Medieval Latin (barbarinus) into European languages as a civilizational standard.

The most striking part is that this contempt wasn’t only a Western reflex; the kinship with Sanskrit barbara (stammering, foolish) shows how ancient and universal the tendency is: equating what is “not us” with “noise.”

Thus, a simple ancient “blah blah” mockery became—across thousands of years and continents—one of the core ideological weapons building the modern “civilized vs. savage” split.

4) The Roman Paradox: Winning with Weapons, Losing with Culture

The map Greeks drew, and the “Barbarian/Civilized” split, was institutionalized through one of history’s most interesting ironies: Rome.

Romans crushed Greece militarily, looted its cities, and enslaved Greeks. In theory, the one with weapons should impose his culture. But the opposite happened. As the Roman poet Horace confessed in his famous line:

“Conquered Greece captured her savage conqueror (Rome) and brought her arts into rustic Latium.”

Bronze Medallion Depicting Horace, 4th–5th Century

Bronze medallion depicting Horace, 4th–5th century

Rome took Greek philosophy, Greek gods, and—most importantly—the East–West split, and fused it with Roman law and statecraft. Greece produced the “software”; Rome built the massive “operating system” to run it. That’s how “Europe” stopped being merely a geographic region and became an identity formed from Roman law and Greek thought.

“As the Roman Empire collapsed politically, the immense cultural and geographic legacy it left behind became the highest status to be reached for the northern peoples who destroyed it. Germanic, Frankish, and northern tribal chiefs, even if they defeated Rome militarily, admired its law, its urban structure, and that sharp cartography dividing the world as ‘Europe–Asia’… To become Romanized was the only passport to be seen as a legitimate ruler and a civilized society…”

5) History’s Biggest Slap: Who Was Carrying the “Barbarian” Stamp?

“The greatest irony in history is that the Germanic, Frankish, and northern peoples who today define themselves as the ‘truly civilized Europeans’—and stamp the rest of the world with the label ‘barbarian’—were, at that time, seen by Romans as the lowest barbarians.”

The examples of Sidonius Apollinaris and Tacitus work like a mirror here:

Sidonius Apollinaris whining in disgust at the smell and noise of the Goths—“How can I write civilized poetry among seven-foot-tall stinking giants?”… Tacitus describing these peoples as “undisciplined savages who know only war and plunder”…

And the punchline:

“The most absurd part is that yesterday’s ‘barbarian’ peoples—who have no genetic or direct historical link to Rome—today take on the role of Rome’s heir and keep calling everyone unlike themselves ‘barbarian.’”

Barbarian Kingdoms: Rome’s Killers, the New Owners of the Legacy

The period known in historical literature as the Barbarian Kingdoms (Regna Barbarorum) (5th–8th centuries CE) is exactly where this irony becomes institutional.

The Frankish, Visigothic, Ostrogothic, and Vandal kingdoms rising over Rome’s ruins couldn’t resist imitating Rome’s grandeur even as they looted it.

The sharpest example: Charlemagne. Coming from a Germanic tribe Rome once called “savage,” he was crowned in 800 CE by the Pope as “Emperor of the Romans.” Yesterday’s “stinking giant” now wore the title of Rome’s legal heir and the “Father of Europe” (Pater Europae).

These kingdoms copied Rome’s legal system, Latin, and religion (Christianity) to forge an “armor of legitimacy.” But in the process, they also inherited Rome’s famous “superior tone” intact.

In short: the voices giving civilization lessons today are, in large part, the product of history’s most successful act of imitation.

Cole Thomas the Course of Empire Destruction 1836

Thomas Cole – "The Course of Empire: Destruction

Same Map, Different Actors: A Thousand-Year “Psychological Border”

What began in the Greek mind as a concept—Europe and Asia—turned in Roman hands into an impassable physical and legal wall, concretized by the Rhine and Danube and by the logic of Limes.

Today’s “central” European states are, in a sense, the heirs of yesterday’s “barbarian tenants” who took shelter inside that ancient wall. Ownership changed hands; but the “Us vs. Others” line on the mental map barely moved.

The East–West projection used today from Brussels or Berlin is, in many ways, an updated version of the same ancient stubbornness sketched in a Greek city-state 2,500 years ago, sealed by Rome, and carried into the present by the Barbarian Kingdoms.

6) The Dance of Borders: From the Don River to the Urals (And Peter Enters the Stage)

Now we come to the concrete, “scientific” part I love: the border itself.

If we return to geographic reality, there is no natural boundary (like an ocean) separating Europe and Asia. These borders are drawn entirely by political decisions.

From antiquity to the 18th century: Starting with Ptolemy, for more than a thousand years, cartographers accepted the eastern boundary of Europe as the Don River in Russia.

Then something happened: Russia didn’t want to remain “Asian.”

Russia’s move: In the 18th century, Tsar Peter I (Peter the Great) and his successors wanted to pull Russia out of an “Eastern/Asian” identity and have it recognized as “European.”

Stone Obelisk Marking the Europe–asia Boundary Near Urzhumki Station in the Ural Mountains, Photographed in 1910.

Boundary between Europe and Asia near Urzhumki Station in the Ural Mountains, Russia (1910). This modest obelisk turns a negotiated convention into a roadside “fact.” In the wake of Russia’s drive to be recognized as a European power, especially after Peter the Great’s Westernizing reforms, the Urals were embraced as the Europe–Asia dividing line, and border monuments like this helped make that claim feel natural to every traveler who passed.

Here, the issue wasn’t “rock layers,” it was status. In Peter’s eyes, “Europe” wasn’t a continent; it was a club, a rank, a table. The moment you say “I will sit at that table,” even the line on the map can bend.

And it did bend:

After work with geographers, the boundary was pushed roughly 2000–2500 km eastward from the Don to the line of the Ural Mountains and the Ural River.

Then this line standardized itself “as if it had always been there.” Because when a powerful empire says “I am European,” maps often don’t object—maps get updated.

And the Urals aren’t even a dramatic “continental rift” wall:

The Ural Mountains are old, relatively low hills with an average elevation of 600–1000 meters, far from creating a true geological continental split. But because political will wanted it so, the thick line separating Europe from Asia on today’s maps is essentially the cartographic trace of Russia’s “Westernization” project.

This is the best “proof” in the whole essay:

If Europe is a continent, then Peter enlarged it with a ruler.

1 1730 Map of the Russian Empire by Philipp Johann Strahlenberg

(1730) Philip Johan von Strahlenberg’s Map — Before 1730, from antiquity onward, Europe’s eastern boundary was commonly taken to be the Don River (Tanais). This map is one of the earliest documents to push Europe’s border roughly 2,000 kilometers eastward, toward the Ural line. The shift was not a “natural discovery,” but part of Peter the Great’s broader project to have Russia recognized as a European power.

I live in a city where you can literally “change continents” in the middle of an ordinary day: Istanbul. On a map, continents look like massive, absolute realities—but if I want, I can take a ferry and go from Asia to Europe before my tea gets cold. Or I can step into Marmaray and cross under the Bosphorus in what feels like a single metro stop, and suddenly I’ve “switched continents.” It sounds dramatic, but in my daily life it’s just a commute.

And that’s exactly why the whole idea of a “continent” can feel so psychological and so constructed: in the same city, on the same day, along the same after-work route, I can “change continents.” But if I use the bridge… the story flips. Because Istanbul bridge traffic can be so insane that switching continents starts to feel like a mass migration—slow, exhausting, and endless. The line on the map stays fixed; but in real life, that line can be either a sip of tea… or hours of waiting. 

Bosporus

Bosporus ( Asia and Europe )

Side Note: The “Highest Mountain in Europe” Fight (A Small Detail That Exposes Everything)

Here’s a ridiculously concrete example of how arbitrary this border is—so concrete that even climbers end up arguing about it.

There’s a famous challenge called the “Seven Summits”: climbing the highest peak on each continent. Sounds straightforward—until you try to define Europe.

Because depending on where you draw the Europe–Asia boundary, Europe’s highest mountain changes:

  • If you use the Kuma–Manych Depression as the dividing line (an older approach often associated with a Russian framing), then the Caucasus stays in Asia, and Europe’s highest peak becomes Mont Blanc in the Alps (4,807 m).

  • If you use the Greater Caucasus watershed / main ridge as the boundary (the more common modern tendency), then the Caucasus becomes the border zone, and Mount Elbrus (5,642 m) is counted as inside Europe—making it Europe’s highest mountain.

That’s the kind of detail that makes a reader pause and think:
“Wait… even the highest mountain of a ‘continent’ isn’t settled? What exactly are we calling a continent here?”

7) The Mythology of Names and the Colonial Seal

Even Herodotus questioned why one landmass carried three different names, especially women’s names: “I cannot understand why three names, especially women’s names, were given to what is actually a single land.”

  • Europe (Europa): the Phoenician princess Zeus abducted in the form of a bull

  • Asia (Asia): a figure tied to Anatolia, the mother of Titans

  • Libya (Africa): a mythic queen tied to Egyptian and Phoenician traditions

The reason these names endured—and Europe preserved its “continent” status—is modern colonialism: “Those with weapons set the rules.”

From the 15th century onward, European powers exploring and colonizing the world imposed their map on everyone else. Seeing themselves as the sole heirs of Roman and Greek civilization, they had to preserve the split between “Us (Europe)” and “The Others (Asia/Africa/Americas).”

If they had accepted the geological truth and said, “We’re actually just the western edge of Asia,” the Europe-centric history and superiority narrative they built would have collapsed.

Conclusion: Not a Geography, but a Construct

Modern geology says Europe and Asia are unified on the Eurasian plate, while India can still be classified as Asia despite being on a distinct plate. Culturally, you could argue for 14 continents; by plate tectonics, you could argue for 9.

World Tectonic Plate Map

World Tectonic Plate Map

But we still look at the old map: the one where the Sumerian heard “animal sounds,” the Greek said “Barbar,” the Roman systematized it, and Russia stretched the border.

Europe was separated from Asia not by geology, but by ink, mythology, and the psychology of othering—by a continent of identity.

But all these artificial border debates are meaningless against geological time. If we wait 250 million years, we will all be from the same continent anyway.

Epilogue: 250 Million Years Later (Pangaea Ultima)

The supercontinent that all continents will form by merging 250 million years from now: Pangaea Ultima

Pangea Ultima

Pangea Ultima

As you know, Earth’s continents are constantly moving, even if we don’t notice it. That’s why, roughly 250 million years from now, the world will look very different from today.

And I’m keeping the timeline below as a “bonus” section inside the blog—without removing a single line:

50 Million Years Later: The Atlantic Ocean will widen and push New York even farther from North Africa (once, New York and Morocco were side by side). Meanwhile, in the Southern Hemisphere, Australia will collide with Southeast Asia. In Europe, Africa will move north and close the Mediterranean. Where Italy and Greece are today, a mountain chain known as the “Mediterranean Mountains” will form, as high as the Himalayas (Istanbul will be erased from the face of the Earth). This range will stretch from Spain to South Africa, the Middle East, and into Asia.

100 Million Years Later: The power of continental movement will make Earth unrecognizable. The Atlantic will keep expanding, but a sedimentation zone will form along the western coastline. The first sign of this can be seen in the Puerto Rico Trench in the Caribbean. This massive sedimentation zone will consume the Atlantic Ocean, pushing Europe and Africa toward the Americas.

250 Million Years Later: When intergalactic explorers return to their homeland, they will find a planet different from the one in their records. We who live today will be nothing more than fossils. There will no longer be 7 continents; instead, most of Earth’s land will have gathered into a single giant landmass: Pangaea Ultima. The explorers may find a deserted, frozen world and examine what remains of our cities; but as Europe and America collide, all the countries along the coasts—and today’s “discriminatory” borders—will slowly disappear.

Ozge#History

Why Were Monkeys Executed in Ottoman Istanbul?

A dark episode from 1591 where public morality, maritime culture, and a cleric’s obsession turned the streets of Istanbul into a grim spectacle.

Why Were Monkeys Executed in Ottoman Istanbul

During the reign of Sultan Murad III (1574–1595), Istanbul witnessed one of the most disturbing events in its history. In 1591, hundreds of monkeys were accused of “illicit relations” with humans and publicly hanged.

This was not a quiet incident hidden behind palace walls. It was a city-wide spectacle—an episode remembered because it turned animals into targets of public morality, and because it unfolded in the heart of a port-capital where monkeys had become part of daily life.

Istanbul, Empire, and Exotic Animals

By the late sixteenth century, Istanbul was a global capital—crowded, wealthy, and intensely cosmopolitan. Ottoman expansion and maritime trade pulled goods, people, and curiosities into the city. Among those curiosities were exotic animals—especially monkeys, many arriving through African routes.

Yavuz Sultan Selim Hunername Minyatur

Sultan Selim I in the Hunername: Defeating a massive crocodile with his personal courage on the banks of the Nile during the Egyptian Campaign

 They were kept as pets, displayed as status symbols, and sold in busy commercial districts. Two place-names sit right at the center of this story: Azapkapı and Galata, both near the Golden Horn and tied to the city’s maritime economy.

Azapkapı matters not only as a location, but as a clue. “Kapı” literally means gate, and Azapkapı was historically a city gate—a point where people entered Istanbul through the walls when this area marked the edge of the city. The name also ties to the azabs/azebs, a lower-ranked military–maritime class connected to the dockyard ecosystem. The term is linked with the idea of bachelors / unmarried men, because many of these sailors and irregular troops were not allowed to marry. So Azapkapı carries multiple layers at once: the gate, the men of the dockside, and the shipyard world that shaped this neighborhood for centuries.

Istanbul  -Azapkapi 1910

istanbul - Azapkapi 1910

And this is where the city becomes personal for me. I always enjoy walking here: the road is still known as Tersane Caddesi, and even today it feels like a place shaped by sailors—like the dockside never fully disappeared, and the waterfront kept its old character.

The Rise of “Naval Monkeys”

Monkeys were not only entertainment. In the maritime world, they were used for practical work. Their agility and ability to climb made them ideal for the rigging and mast-tops, and their sharp eyesight helped them spot land or distant ships earlier from higher vantage points. Trained monkeys could move fast, climb higher than any sailor in seconds, and alert the crew with learned signals.

In a port city like Istanbul, that kind of usefulness quickly becomes visibility. Once monkeys become part of ships and shipyards, they don’t stay confined to the sea. They spill into markets, streets, homes, and public amusements. They become part of the city’s daily texture—something people recognize, talk about, and normalize.

And this wasn’t limited to the sea. In Hayâtü’l-Hayevan, written by Kemaleddin Ebu Abdullah ed-Demirî, monkeys are mentioned as being employed in tailoring and even working in jewelry-making. The same source describes monkeys in Yemen being trained for work such as running a grocery shop and even butchery. That detail matters because it shows the wider mindset of the era: monkeys were seen as trainable, imitative, and “close enough” to humans to be used—exactly the kind of closeness that can also trigger moral obsession.

A Cleric’s Backlash

 Not everyone accepted that closeness between animals and humans. The story centers on Molla Abdulkerim Efendi—the personal imam to Sultan Murad III—remembered by the grim nickname “Maymunkeş” (The Monkey Slayer / the one who strangles monkeys). What makes that nickname hit harder is that he wasn’t a random preacher shouting from the margins: he was a man with real proximity to power, a figure the Sultan respected and listened to, someone who could turn a moral complaint into action.

The breaking point came during a Friday sermon at the Fatih Mosque. (I was born and raised in the neighborhood that takes its name from this mosque; "Fatih" refers to Sultan Mehmed the Conqueror, who earned this title after his conquest of Constantinople.)  He ignited the crowd with a shocking accusation: “Women are using these monkeys for immoral acts.” The claim hit where it was designed to hit—shame, fear, outrage—and it spread fast.

Fatih Mosque

Fatih Mosque 

And then comes the part that sounds like a dark punchline to the whole city: I’ve even heard it said that when Abdulkerim Efendi died, animal lovers in Istanbul celebrated—almost like the city itself wanted to exhale after living under a man whose name became synonymous with a massacre.

The Massacre (1591)

After the prayer, the crowd poured into the streets and raided monkey sellers around Azapkapı and Galata. The most chilling line attached to that day is simple: “Not a single tree in Istanbul was left without a monkey hanging from its branches.”

 The hangings became a public spectacle. In the logic of the mob, the monkeys were no longer animals. They were turned into symbols—stand-ins for “sin,” “temptation,” and “disorder.” And once an animal is turned into a symbol, violence starts getting framed as “cleansing.”

 The Echo That Lasted Into My Childhood

What makes this story even stranger to me is that Istanbul’s “monkey presence” didn’t vanish forever. Monkeys never completely disappeared from the street scene. Even into the late 1990s, I still remember seeing street entertainers and vendors using monkeys for amusement—sometimes as a mascot to draw attention, sometimes to perform small routines, sometimes as part of a street hustle while selling something. As a kid, I had the chance to watch those street shows with my own eyes, and they stayed with me as a weird, unforgettable detail of city life.

Bear Leaders in Galata, Istanbul 1980s

Bear leaders in Galata, Istanbul (1980s)

But that world didn’t survive into the modern era. With changing public norms and tighter enforcement—especially through the 2000s, in the atmosphere of broader reforms and harmonisation—the informal use of wild animals in street entertainment was pushed out and eventually banned. And in that sense, Istanbul’s monkeys truly became history twice: once in 1591, and again—quietly—when the last traces of that street tradition vanished.

So when I walk near the Golden Horn, past names like Azapkapı and down Tersane Caddesi, I can’t help feeling that the city remembers more than it shows.

 The Pirates of the Caribbean Link I Keep Making

 And here’s the connection I keep making in my own head, because once it clicks, it feels almost too perfect.

You remember Jack the monkey from Pirates of the Caribbean, right? He isn’t just an animal in the background—he’s part of the ship’s identity. And importantly, Jack is tied to Barbossa: the pirate captain has a monkey beside him the way a seafaring world would. Now, every time I hear the name Barbossa, I immediately think of Barbaros Hayreddin—the Ottoman admiral, the Kapudan Pasha, the Mediterranean legend. I’m not claiming the film copied Ottoman history scene-for-scene. I’m saying this: if storytellers want a pirate captain whose name carries the Barbarossa echo, and they also want a ship-world detail that feels authentic to maritime culture, a monkey beside the captain makes perfect sense—because in the real sea-world, sailors did keep and use monkeys, and port cities like Istanbul normalized that closeness.

Captain Barbossa Jack Monkey Ottoman Maritime History

Captain Barbossa and Jack the Monkey

So when I see Barbossa with Jack, I don’t just see fiction. I see a pop-culture shadow of an older maritime reality—one that Istanbul carried for centuries, and one that ended in one of the city’s strangest tragedies.