A Perfect Definition Of Seinfeld Through The Absurdities Of George Costanza
A funny, item-by-item look at Seinfeld through George Costanza’s lies, crises, relationships, work disasters, shame, paranoia, and unforgettable absurdities.
This article contains some spoilers.
Airing from 1989 to 1998, Seinfeld could easily enter the category of unforgettable television shows for one reason alone: it gave us George Costanza. The way the Turkish dictionary writer “kendi ekseni etrafında dönen insan” defines Seinfeld through George also proves the point. George is not just a side character. He is the neurotic heart of the show, a living engine of embarrassment, and a man capable of turning the smallest detail of daily life into a full-scale disaster.
George Costanza’s Appearance And First Impression
George is a man who wears a purple shirt with the second button placed far too high.
That detail alone says a lot about him. With George Costanza, everything is slightly wrong, slightly uncomfortable, and somehow perfectly funny.
George’s Lies, Fake Identities And Role-Playing Disasters
He uses the alias Art Vandelay and pretends to be an architect.
When a doctor’s visit feels too short, he tries to pay only half the fee.
After leaving a message on a woman’s answering machine after just one date, he goes to her apartment and tries to erase it.
He wears a wedding ring to a party to impress women.
He tries to poison his boss.
To get home from the airport in a limousine, he pretends to be a Nazi leader.
He pretends to be disabled to get a job.
When his lie is exposed, he drags the situation out and tries to get money from it.
Instead of reading a book about risk management, he pretends to be blind so he can listen to it on tape.
He always looks anxious at work to create the impression that he is busy.
He leaves his car at work to make it seem like he arrives earlier than everyone and leaves later than everyone.
He builds a sleeping compartment under his desk and naps at work every day.
He gives his coworkers gifts in the form of donations to a fake charity fund he invented himself.
George Costanza As A Relationship Disaster
During a massage from a male masseur, he thinks he may have experienced arousal and falls into a personal crisis.
He manipulates his girlfriend into getting a nose job.
After saying “bless you” to a married woman, he ends up sleeping with her.
When a woman he is dating thinks he is very funny, he tells the others not to make jokes so he will not look bad.
After failing to find what he wants in relationships, he decides his last option is to look for a girlfriend who does not speak English.
He wants to oil his bald head and rub it on the body of a Senegalese woman he has found.
He drives women toward lesbianism.
He is the creator of the “it’s not you, it’s me” line.
The more someone hates him, the more he becomes attracted to that person.
For a woman he likes, he becomes Latvian Orthodox and cheats on the test.
He dates a woman he does not even like out of pure stubbornness and says he would marry her if necessary.
After coming out of the sea, he loses his girlfriend because of shrinkage.
As a first step toward becoming a man, he proposes to an old girlfriend he has not seen in years and convinces her.
While engaged, he tries to date Marisa Tomei.
He tries to save money on wedding invitations and causes his fiancée’s death with cheap toxic glue.
After his fiancée’s funeral, he tries to arrange a meeting with Marisa Tomei.
To impress a woman who prefers bad boys instead of nice guys, he plays the role of a bad guy.
Because he likes a woman who works at a photo shop, he sends her “erotic” photos of himself.
When he stops having sex, he becomes smarter.
He asks a prisoner out because he will always know where she is, will not have to compete with other men, and will not have to worry about her dropping by unexpectedly.
When he realizes his girlfriend is about to break up with him, he says there is no soda left in the apartment, leaves, and never comes back.
He eats during sex.
He dates his cousin to get attention from his parents.
He dates a woman who looks like his best friend.
George’s Strange Logic About Work, Money And Career
When he is given the wrong change, he tries to steal medicine from a pharmacy.
He gives Elaine, who helped him get a job, a defective sweater with a red dot on it.
He skips a job interview because of a woman he meets on the subway.
Later, he ends up naked, tied to a bed, and robbed in a hotel room.
He is jealous that Ted Danson makes 800,000 dollars per episode.
He gets caught looking at his boss’s daughter’s cleavage.
For a while, he works as a hand model.
While sleeping with the unattractive secretary he hired, he shouts, “I’m giving you a raise.”
He gives a security guard a rocking chair because he thinks the man must be tired.
He loses his soup because he asks the Soup Nazi for bread.
When leaving a tip, he tries to take the money back from the jar because the employee did not see him put it in.
George Turning Daily Life Into A Crisis
He thinks a flea market is a place where fleas are sold.
He believes the kitchen is the most social part of the house.
He has crises while saying, “You know, we’re living in a society.”
He bursts the Bubble Boy’s bubble.
His mother catches him masturbating.
When he runs out of clean underwear, he walks around without any instead of washing them.
He lives his whole life in shame.
He believes God would never allow him to be successful.
During a fire, he pushes past children and women and escapes first.
He eats a candy bar with a knife and fork.
Because nothing in his life ever works out, he starts doing the exact opposite of what his instincts tell him.
He joins a book club but watches the movie instead of reading the book.
He eats an éclair out of the trash.
He likes horse manure.
He buys a car just because he thinks it belonged to Jon Voight.
To become more confident, he wears a wig.
While wearing the wig, he dates a bald woman, and when he takes the wig off, she leaves him.
At times, he refers to himself in the third person.
If society accepted it, he would drape himself in velvet.
He writes down his planned sex moves on his hand.
He tells his bank card password to a woman on her deathbed and causes her death.
He wants to name his child Seven.
He believes shaving your head is not brave, but walking around bald is what truly takes courage.
He wears Timberland boots because they make him look 5 cm taller, and he never takes them off.
To balance the height created by his thick wallet, he stuffs napkins into his other pocket.
He believes there would be no books if there were no toilets.
He believes the only legacy he will leave behind is his high score on Frogger.
He is talented at spelling last names.
He once again believes God will never allow him to be successful.
And once again, he wears a shirt with the second button placed far too high.
Defining Seinfeld Through George Costanza
When you put all these absurdities together, what emerges is not just a funny character. George Costanza is the sitcom version of modern man’s petty calculations, shame, jealousy, lies, panic, self-sabotage, and endless ability to make his own life worse.
That is why defining Seinfeld through George is not strange at all. It actually makes perfect sense.
Because in one way, Seinfeld is the tragicomic story of George Costanza constantly visiting Jerry Seinfeld’s apartment.