1980s Music Videos: What Were They Thinking?
A sarcastic dive into some of the strangest 1980s music videos, from Bonnie Tyler and Queen to Journey, Kate Bush, Bowie, Jagger, The Jacksons, and Men Without Hats.
The other night, around 2 a.m., I got lost on the internet and fell into the dungeon of 1980s music videos. I could not get out until morning. I laughed, I stared, I questioned reality, and at several points I genuinely asked the screen, “What is happening?”
Now I am dragging you into the same pain, because this kind of suffering should not be experienced alone.
Bonnie Tyler: Total Eclipse of the Heart
There are many things you can say about this song, but there is only one thing you can say about the video: what.
This is a love song. Fine. I understand that. Bonnie says, “Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming round.” Fine. Emotional. Reasonable. I get it.
But then the camera pulls back and what do we see? A man with glowing eyes. Jumping ninjas. Guys wearing swimming goggles. And an entire house full of schoolboys, marching out in groups from every possible doorway.
Why would that man come around, seriously? You open one door and a ninja jumps out. You open another door and there is some guy in swimming goggles. You are saying, “I’m tired of listening to the sound of my tears,” and of course you are tired. There are 40 people inside the house.
I cannot listen to the song with innocent feelings anymore. My brain refuses to delete the video.
Queen: I Want to Break Free
Brazilian leftists apparently embraced this song as a freedom anthem. They loved it, claimed it, went to the concert, and then Freddie Mercury walked onstage in suspenders and black fishnet stockings.
I would love to have seen their faces in that moment.
But the video was already clear. It had explained everything. The members of Queen are dressed as housewives, doing laundry, cooking, vacuuming, and living through domestic chaos.
When they say, “I want to break free,” this is what they mean: freedom from housework. No politics. No ideology. Just dishes.
If they had watched the video, they would not have been shocked. But they had not watched it. And honestly, that is Queen’s version of freedom. Beautiful.
Journey: Separate Ways
If you love this song, do not watch the video.
I am asking you sincerely. Do not watch it.
When you bury this video on top of a song you have loved for years, you can never hear it the same way again. It is that bad. I have stopped searching for answers to questions like: how does something like this happen, who approved it, what kind of meeting produced this, and why did nobody stop them?
There is no answer. There is only the video.
Kate Bush: Sat in Your Lap
I described the others as ridiculous, but I want to talk about this one differently.
Kate Bush is basically saying, “I want to reach knowledge, but I do not want to put in the effort required to get there.” And she does it with such rhythm, such wild percussion, such theatrical madness, and such creativity that the result feels like classroom material.
This is proof of how original pop music can be.
It is trapped inside the 80s, but at the same time, it does not really belong to any era.
David Bowie And Mick Jagger: Dancing in the Street
The most embarrassing music video of all time.
This is not open for debate.
Two legends look into the camera and dance. But they dance in a way that makes you question the entire concept of movement.
I am sure both of them would blush if they remembered this video existed. It is one of those things I wish had vanished into time, but unfortunately the internet does not forget.
The Jacksons: Torture
The difference between Michael Jackson and the others is so obvious in this video that it almost feels cruel.
And of course there is a dancing skeleton, because apparently an 80s music video was not complete unless a skeleton showed up and danced at some point. That seems to have been a rule.
The outfits are another subject entirely. Completely insane, but for the Jackson brothers, that was probably considered normal.
Men Without Hats: Safety Dance
There is the original video. There is the literal comedy version. There is the copyright issue. The director liked it. The band was annoyed by it.
Put all that drama aside for a second. Just watch the part between 00:38 and 01:25. A smile is guaranteed. I am saying this with full confidence.
The 80s Were Something Else
The 80s really were another world.
Nobody seems to have asked, “How does this video actually look?” The camera was set up, the footage was shot, the video was released, and now here we are, 40 years later, still watching it and asking, “What is happening?” Maybe that is art.